Temporary

Wow- once again forever since I have made a post! I have good reason though. As many know we moved over the New Years weekend. I felt like I was leaving my home in the middle of the night in secret since so many neighbors were out of town. We feel blessed to have found a nice place to live so quickly. It was a busy and stressful December. Seems like we didn't even have Christmas since it was taken down the day after Christmas and the house packing began. I never thought I would be able to do it all like that. I think I was just on auto pilot and tried to focus on one thing at a time to make it through the holiday stress as well as moving stress. The first week after we moved I was up til wee hours of the night unpacking and getting the house put together. Claire had her baptism that Saturday so I wanted it to be nice for her.

We have been here I guess about 7 weeks now. I kind of feel like I am in a fog of some sorts. Just in a "funk" or something. It is so hard to go from being a home owner to a "renter" now. Not that there's anything wrong with that- it's just new to me cuz I haven't done that since I was single. There is definitely a change in thinking. I feel a little lack of caring of some sort....I don't know. Hard to explain.

Our ward here is HUGE. I.hate.it. Easy to skip out on church when you move....nobody knows me or will even notice if I'm there- right? I have to skip out on Sunday School (sacrament meeting is last) to save us a comfy bench in the chapel or we get stuck in the gym on hard folding chairs- which does NOT work well with Sam who likes to push the chairs around on the gym floor.... Our entire chapel AND entire gym is filled each sacrament meeting. Crazy.

I was just called to be the Young Women Sports Director. Told them I didn't know ANYTHING about basketball and can't attend the games on the nights they play because it's a busy night for me at home....and volleyball doesn't start until September, but they still put me in the calling. I signed Spence and I up for a dinner group where we rotate houses each month with about 5 couples, then switch up the groups in few months. Figured it would help us to get to know people. But truth is- I don't want to get to know new people. I don't have the energy for it- because it does take a lot of energy for me. It's not something that comes natural to me. I seriously have to put such great effort into it. I am a quiet- keep to myself person. :-) And I have this attitude of "temporary." Since I'm a renter- this is just temporary- right? So why bother.... Ugh- I just hate being at this point in my life right now. I am trying to remain positive- especially for my kids- but it is so hard. I am still just feeling like this is just a house- not my home. On the other hand- it is weird because I don't miss my old house- which I considered my home. I do miss my good friends and neighbors though.

Ugh- tearing up so going to close now. Just had to get my feelings off my chest. (Which is pretty non existent anymore. lol)