Older Sister Advice

I emailed the following letter last week to my siblings, their spouses, and my parents. Spence decided to email it to his siblings as well because he thought it was great advice. So guess I will post it on here as well so I will have it for "future reference."


I know each of you are probably used to getting "advice" letters or emails from mom or dad (mostly dad)...but now you are getting one from me. Since I am the oldest sibling- I figured it's one of my "rights and privileges" that come with it.


As you know, my brother-in-law, Sean passed away last week. It was a tough week- let me tell you. Just five days prior to Sean being found unconscious I had talked to him on the phone. It was a short phone call. He was asking me how to do something on the computer, so I simply walked him through the steps of what to do. Who knew that that would be my last conversation with him? Had I known that- I would've told him I loved him or thanked him for being a wonderful uncle to my kids, etc. Literally being at someone's bedside when they take their last breath is definitely life changing. It's something I hope I never have to experience again. But I know that Sean knew of mine and Spence's love for him.


Spence's dad, John, shared with us what he has taken from this experience. He said it's to not be judgmental of anyone. None of us know what another person has gone through, or is going through. Some people were judgmental of Sean for some of the choices he made, and because of some of his actions and beliefs. But none of us knew the pain and sufferings he experienced- both physically and mentally. The same is true of anyone. We have no right to judge others- just as it says in the scriptures "Judge not, lest ye be judged." We need to love and accept people for who they are.


Which then leads me to my next piece of advice of not holding grudges against someone- especially family members. It just isn't worth it. It doesn't do anybody any good. It takes more energy to carry around negative and spiteful feelings towards someone. I think as being the oldest, I have tried to be a peacemaker. It's in my personality that I don't like confrontation or conflict or for anyone to have ill feelings towards me. I would rather just keep things to myself. The contention that could be caused by saying something just isn't worth it to me. I'd rather just try to move on and put something offensive or upsetting behind me. I'm not saying that things shouldn't be talked about or comnmunicated if necessary, but they need to be done with love and mutual respect and then set aside and put in the past. You never know what life has in store- of when tragedy might occur. Imagine how you'd feel if there were ill feelings involved. It just isn't worth it. Look at all the time that was lost between Mom and Cindy because of grudges being held. Look at how many family relationships were affected. Are you willing to take that chance by holding a grudge/hateful feelings against someone?


I am asking all of you to put behind you any hard feelings you may have for other family members. As yourself "In the grand scheme of things, is it worth it? Does this really matter?" I'll bet the answer is no. Try to have loved and forgiveness in your hearts. Remember things that your family has done for you or times they may have given you love and support. We all make mistakes; none of us are perfect. If I have done anything to offend any of you- please forgive me.


All of us need to mend any relationships that may need mending and move forward. Now more than ever is the time when family is the most important things. It needs to be the strong support system. Don't let Satan hurt that bond by letting stupid things that don't matter, or things from years ago creep in. this is what he wants- he wants to destroy families because he knows the importance and great power of them.


During this last week with Sean's passing, I have witnessed from Spence's family what true family love and support is and how important it is. It has brought them closer together- it has brought Spence and I closer together. Please don't wait for a tragedy to happen to bring us closer. Our family is all we have. We need to spend all the time we can together and share laughs and make fond memories together and above all- enjoy being together.


I hope you will all take this with an open mind and heart. It is coming from my heart. Realize how lucky we are to have one another and strive to look for the good in each of us. I love each of you dearly and it hurts me when there is ever any contention amongst us. I will close with a quote taken from Gordon B. Hinckley's book "Stand a Little Taller."


Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another;...And above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:124-125)


Imagine how our own families, let alone the world, would change if we vowed to keep faith with one another, stregnthen one another, look for adn accentuate the virtues in one another, and speak graciously concerning one another. Imagine the cumulative effect if we treated each other with respect and acceptance, if we willingly provided support. Such interactions practiced on a small scale would surely have a rippling effect throughout our homes and communities, and eventually, society at large.


Love Always,
Jackie