Ethan's Visit

It has taken me awhile to post about Ethan's visit. I was so lucky to have him in my home for an entire week. His mom, Gayle, was here for a nursing conference at the Salt Palace so brought him with her. I feel so blessed that Gayle would give me the chance to spend time with him and that the rest of my kids can get to know him. I couldn't have ever asked for better adoptive parents for him. He is so loved and happy. They have always been so honest and open with him from the beginning. They want him to know the family where he came from and that he has so many people that love him.

Gayle and I went to a session at the Salt Lake Temple. It was the first time at that temple for both of us. It was such a spiritual experience. We were in tears just sitting in the chapel before the session even started! Then to be in the celestial room together was so awesome. It just brought it all together. I knew that without her and Mike, I wouldn't have even been sitting in the temple. Who knows where I'd be. I am so thankful for the tender mercies of the Lord. I have been so blessed because of my sacrifice. I know that that's why Spence was brought into my life so soon after Ethan was born. Anyhow, then we had dinner in Park City one night with some of her friends here for the conference.

At the end of the week my mom came to visit and stayed a night with us. We had lunch along with my brother Jared and his wife Jeni.

Me, Ethan and my Mom

I think Ethan had a fun time here. Lots of video games were played. We went bowling one day. Nathan got his butt kicked. His score was 18! And half of that was mine when he let me bowl for him once! By the end of the week Ethan was really missing his dad and starting to get annoyed at Logan and Claire fighting over him. He said he wasn't used to that much attention. He always had to sit in the middle of the two of them. Whatever he wanted then the kids would want- same treats, slurpee flavors, etc.

I am reminded of the song by Michael McLean- "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours"

Tear jerker!

Aren't they all so beautiful? Man I make good lookin kids. LOL :-)

Sometimes I feel guilty or wonder if I am normal because I am able to spend time with Ethan and not be overly emotional or upset by it all. It is not difficult for me at all. My mom kind of had a hard time seeing him and just shook her head and said to me "I don't know how you're doing it." I don't know either. I guess maybe because I am at peace with my decision and don't have any regrets. Of course I wish I could've kept Ethan and raised him myself, but it wasn't in the best interest for him. I could see how difficult it was with Nathan. I just think the Lord has helped me to be so strong through all of this. Don't get me wrong- I still have times of tears. Mostly it is when I think about my last day with Ethan as a baby. I remember Mike and Gayle giving me time with him in the bedroom and how I just laid on the bed next to my newborn son. I just cradled him in my arms and told him how much I loved him. We fell asleep for a bit. The hardest thing was holding him when it was time to go and handing him over to his new parents. I knew it was the last time I would hold him. The next months were very hard but I had family and friends that helped me through it. This experience in my life has made me really want to help others who may be going through the same thing. I would want girls to know of that option of adoption and be able to help them through it. Maybe some day....

Craft Bucket

Reason #1 of "Why it's good to have a bucket full of craft odds and ends at home":

When your son reminds you that it is Crazy Socks Day at school- five minutes before it's time to go!

It's amazing what some googly eyes, yarn, pom poms and hot glue can make!

Nathan's Pictures

Hooray! My sweet husband fixed the scanner for me so now I can post some pics of Nathan. Enjoy Nathan!

Kindergarten School Picture (I think!)

Having fun at Bear Lake

Nathan has always loved computers!

Taking a photo of ourselves!

Happy Birthday Teenager!

I wanted to do this posting on Friday- Nathan's birthday, but have been experiencing "technical difficulties" with the computer and scanner and digital camera. Sometimes I wonder if technology is worth it. I can't get the scanner to connect to the computer now and I just don't have the patience to play around with it. I had some pictures from when Nathan was younger to scan in so maybe I'll add them later when I get the stupid thing fixed. Anyhoo.....

Happy 13th Birthday Nathan! I can't believe Nate is a teenager already. Course, by the way his voice is changing I knew it was coming. :-) He had 5 of his friends over for a sleepover to celebrate. We combined with his friend, Garrett, since they are only one day apart. Works out nicely.

The boys played a few games that I found on the Internet. First was trying to put spaghetti noodles into a bottle wearing a glove. The boys were not playing fair though and just started shoving bunches of noodles into the bottles- and ended up getting into a noodle fight. Nothing like a few sticky noodles in the grass.

Christian and Nathan (Notice Christian doing one by one- and Nathan's blob!)

Blake and Josh

Next game I hard boiled some eggs and put them in a bowl. I added one egg that wasn't hard boiled. The boys each had to take an egg- first one that they touched- and smash it against their head. Parker just knew he would be the one to get the raw egg- and guess what! He was! He was a good sport.

Go Parker!

Final game the boys bobbed for apples. Once they got one they had to immediately bob for marshmallows in a bowl of flour. It was fun to watch their reactions- especially Christian. He was getting so grossed out by the spit in the apple water. He would rather die then dunk his face in there. Then after he found his marshmallow he actually started puking. LOL (Sorry Alyson! Never meant to make your son throw up!)

Garrett loved doing this so much that he went twice!

Nathan

Josh was very hyper during this game. He was so funny!

Blake

Nathan was trying to force Christian's head in the water.

Yeah Christian! You did it!

Sorry it made you throw up Christian! :-)

The boys ate pizza and had yummy oreo cake that Meagan (Garrett's mom) made. Then they were off to play night games. Having 6 teenage boys over night wasn't bad at all. Nathan has wonderful friends. Thanks for being such awesome friends to Nathan guys!

Birthday boys- Nathan and Garrett

Now I guess I'll say some things to Nathan....

Dear Nathan,

I can't belive you are 13 years old! Where has the time gone? I remember when you were first born. Your conehead freaked me out! I didn't know that your head would eventually return to normal size since I was new to the whole baby stuff. LOL You brought such joy to my life- and still do. You were my comfort in my times of loneliness. You have helped me to become the strong person that I am today. I named you "Nathan" because it meant "Gift from God" and sounded like a strong name. It truly fits you.

You have helped me to overcome one of the greatest trials of my life- giving up Ethan for adoption. I was so blessed to have you to comfort me and to bring happiness in such a time of sorrow for me. Thank you for always understanding my decision and for not holding any ill feelings towards me for it. You are an awesome big brother to Ethan, Logan and Claire. They look up to you and your example. Always remember that being the oldest comes with a lot of responsibility but it is worth it. You will be the one to look out for and protect your younger siblings. They will turn to you in their times of need. Try to have patience with Logan and Claire and know that they love you so much.

Since you are 13 now I thought I would list 13 words that describe you:

talkative, intelligent, mature, leader, athletic, funny, tender, comfort, cook, adventurous, friend, responsible, smile

Always know how much I love you and feel blessed to have you in my life. I hope you will always feel you can communicate openly with me about anything. I enjoy our friendship and look forward to your teenage years! Aahh! I am getting old...

Love, Mom

Mother Warriors

Last Wednesday I had a VERY lazy day at home. I was tired and actually laid on the couch watching TV the entire day I think. I got caught up with everything recorded in the DVR. Basically it was me and Oprah at home. :-) (I didn't have any Bon Bon's though.) One of the shows was titled "Mother Warriors." Did anyone see it? It had Jenny McCarthy on there talking about the improvements in her son with his autism. She talked about how as moms we do everything we can for our kids if they need help. If something doesn't work- we try something else. I am thankful that my children are healthy and don't have any "special needs." I don't know if I am the type of person that could have the patience needed for that. Anyway, she had a mom on there that is still bringing tears to my eyes. She went to deliver her second baby by C-section. She delivered a healthy beautiful baby girl. Soon after the delivery, the mother began to get a rare infection. To make it short- they ended up removing her ovaries, uterus, gall bladder, part of her colon and both arms and legs! She spent months in the hospital. When they told her they would have to amputate her limbs her reply was "Just do what you need to do to get me home to my family." Wow! She has learned to function and had such a positive attitude. When Jenny was interviewing her this was a comment she made that has stuck with me:

"What good are you to your children if you're miserable? What are you teaching them- that you give up? I want them to know that their mother is a fighter. Don't ever give up on anything- ever."

I know I find myself getting so frustrated with being a mother and my lack of patience and how it wears me out. It really put things in perspective seeing this mom on there. She has plenty to be upset and complain about. But she doesn't. When in the hospital all she wanted to do was get home and take care of her new baby. She doubled up on her physical therapy and worked so hard. It made me feel so blessed. What business do I have complaining? I have my health- and all my limbs. I GET to comb my kids hair, wrap my arms around them, fix them dinner, paint their nails (just Claire's lol), drive them places, etc. Since watching that Oprah, I have tried to be more positive with my kids and be happier. If I feel myself start to feel down I remember her comment "What good are you to your children if you're miserable?"

Here's the link if you'd like to read about this episode: Mother Warriors

Family Fun??

For family night on Monday we did some Halloween crafts/decorations that I saw in the Family Fun magazine and website. By the end of the night we were all screaming and hollering at one another and fighting. Ugh! Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with us. Why can't we even have peace and harmony for a few hours?

At bedtime my kids are always hungry and I'm always worn out and tired. Logan started fixing himself a peanut butter and honey sandwich to eat before bed. So naturally, honey was all over the counter. Then he decided he wanted jam on it too. Of course, he drops the jar of jam on the floor and it breaks. I didn't swear or scream but I had that "look" on my face. Logan just went and sat out on the front porch to eat his sandwich. When I went out to talk to him and ask what was wrong he told me he needed some time away from me. How nice. Guess I need to work on some things. :-) Anyhow, here are some pics of our getting ready for Halloween family night.

These ghosts are now Logan and Claire's new friends. They love to sit in the middle and play. Claire takes all of her toys out there. Logan plays "Duck duck goose" with them. LOL I looked out the other day and all of the ghosts had blankets draped over them. So they are getting pretty hammered and I don't know if they will even last until the end of the month!

This is how I felt by the end of the night. :-) Ugh, I hate Halloween.

Fall

Well, fall must officially be here because yesterday morning Spence actually turned on the heat in the house! Don't you just love that smell when the heat is turned on for the very first time? It means you get to wear sweaters and pants to cover up your body. Yahoo! Course, then by afternoon I'm stripping down and have the air conditioner turned on. Gotta love it! Whenever fall comes I am always reminded of the movie "You've Got Mail." (One of my all time favs.) I love that line at the beginning where Meg Ryan is talking about the smell of pencils with the change of the season.... Anyhow, I love when the weather gets colder. It means I get to drink hot chocolate before bed and get to turn on my electric blanket! My favorite! I love to climb into a nice warm bed. :-)

Anyhow, finally got some pictures downloaded onto the computer again. Since it crashed we lost all of our files and hundreds of pictures. *Note to Self- be sure to back up this time!* This is my kids latest craze......

They love to take a bunch of blankets, pillows, toys, whatever they can get their hands on and make a little fort on the back deck. It makes such a mess but it keeps them entertained. Course, I'm always the one that gets stuck cleaning it up. They take out snacks and sit under the table and munch away. I noticed their shoes.....

I asked why they filled them with leaves. Logan's reply: "So in case it rains they will stay dry and warm and comfy." Okay...whatever. They had raked the neighbors leaves across the street, piled them in a bucket, then came and dumped them in their "fort." Lovely.

Now to change the subject....I am excited for next week. My son that I adopted out- Ethan- is coming for a visit! Gayle (his mom) is going to be here for a nursing conference so decided to have Ethan come for a few days. I love that we have such an open relationship. Gayle is always so sweet to check with me to see if I'm okay with it. She always worries about my feelings. And I always worry about Ethan's feelings. I don't want him to feel out of place. I am excited to see him again and spend a few days with him. Logan absolutely loves Ethan. Logan and Claire just think he is a cousin, but I think their spirits are connected. Logan has only met him the one time last year but talks about him all the time. A few days ago Logan was drawing a house. He drew some people in the house. He showed me and it had 6 people. I asked why six when we only have five in our family. He said one of them was Ethan. I asked why he drew Ethan in there. He said "Cuz I like him."

But, I get a little nervous at what Ethan will think of me. I know that whenever we would go visit Spence's biological mom that we would always be so thankful when we got home that he was adopted because of the way he could've turned out if she raised him. I hope Ethan won't ever think that with me! LOL I pray that he will always feel my love for him and know and understand the reasons why I gave him to a new family. It was best for him. When I think back on that time in my life I realize how "lost" I was and how Satan had such a strong hold on me. It scares me to think of what could have happened if I hadn't been blessed with the spirit. I was so down at that time. I had actually considered abortion because I didn't know what to do. Satan was rationalizing everything- all my thoughts. I was even looking up places that would do it for me. I am so glad that I came to my senses. I look at the beautiful boy that Ethan is and how blessed he is. Did anyone read the Ensign article this month on abortion? The statistics were shocking to me- 40 million abortions performed per year! That is so unreal to me. I loved the article and the points it made about a woman's choice and how once you are pregnant, you are left with the consequence of that and how it's not only your choice now- you have a baby- a human being in you and you take away it's choice when you choose to abort. I wish more politicians thought that way. Click here to read it.

Okay, enough said. I know it was rambled, unorganized thoughts. Sorry!

Tagged

Thanks Jen for the "I Love Your Blog" tag. It gives me something to post about. I've been lacking in that area lately.... One word answers? Are you kidding me? I will do my best...

1. Where is your cell phone? counter
2. Where is your significant other? bed (Yes, you can see the time of the post...)
3. Your hair color? awful
4. Your mother? giving
5. Your father? reserved
6. Your favorite thing? cookies
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your dream/goal? patience
9. The room you're in? basement
10. Your hobby? baking
11. Your fear? non-acceptance
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? in-shape
15. One of your wish-list items? boob-job (shallow, I know)
16. Where you grew up? evanston
17. The last thing you ate? diet pepsi
18. What are you wearing? sweatbottoms (that I had when I was pregnant with Nate. PATHETIC!)

19. Your TV? outdated
20. Your pet? sold
21. Your computer? crashed!
22. Your mood? down
23. Missing someone? karen
24. Your car? gashog
25. Something you're not wearing? bra
26. Favorite store? Costco
27. Your summer? quiet
28. Love someone? yes
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? jenspoopypost
31. Last time you cried? thursday

I am supposed to award 7 people with the "I love your blog award" and in so doing tag them to complete the above questions with one word answers. But I don't even know if I have 7 people that read my blog- so if you're reading this, then guess what! You're tagged and I'm sure I love your Blog!