Ethan's Visit

It has taken me awhile to post about Ethan's visit. I was so lucky to have him in my home for an entire week. His mom, Gayle, was here for a nursing conference at the Salt Palace so brought him with her. I feel so blessed that Gayle would give me the chance to spend time with him and that the rest of my kids can get to know him. I couldn't have ever asked for better adoptive parents for him. He is so loved and happy. They have always been so honest and open with him from the beginning. They want him to know the family where he came from and that he has so many people that love him.

Gayle and I went to a session at the Salt Lake Temple. It was the first time at that temple for both of us. It was such a spiritual experience. We were in tears just sitting in the chapel before the session even started! Then to be in the celestial room together was so awesome. It just brought it all together. I knew that without her and Mike, I wouldn't have even been sitting in the temple. Who knows where I'd be. I am so thankful for the tender mercies of the Lord. I have been so blessed because of my sacrifice. I know that that's why Spence was brought into my life so soon after Ethan was born. Anyhow, then we had dinner in Park City one night with some of her friends here for the conference.

At the end of the week my mom came to visit and stayed a night with us. We had lunch along with my brother Jared and his wife Jeni.

Me, Ethan and my Mom

I think Ethan had a fun time here. Lots of video games were played. We went bowling one day. Nathan got his butt kicked. His score was 18! And half of that was mine when he let me bowl for him once! By the end of the week Ethan was really missing his dad and starting to get annoyed at Logan and Claire fighting over him. He said he wasn't used to that much attention. He always had to sit in the middle of the two of them. Whatever he wanted then the kids would want- same treats, slurpee flavors, etc.

I am reminded of the song by Michael McLean- "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours"

Tear jerker!

Aren't they all so beautiful? Man I make good lookin kids. LOL :-)

Sometimes I feel guilty or wonder if I am normal because I am able to spend time with Ethan and not be overly emotional or upset by it all. It is not difficult for me at all. My mom kind of had a hard time seeing him and just shook her head and said to me "I don't know how you're doing it." I don't know either. I guess maybe because I am at peace with my decision and don't have any regrets. Of course I wish I could've kept Ethan and raised him myself, but it wasn't in the best interest for him. I could see how difficult it was with Nathan. I just think the Lord has helped me to be so strong through all of this. Don't get me wrong- I still have times of tears. Mostly it is when I think about my last day with Ethan as a baby. I remember Mike and Gayle giving me time with him in the bedroom and how I just laid on the bed next to my newborn son. I just cradled him in my arms and told him how much I loved him. We fell asleep for a bit. The hardest thing was holding him when it was time to go and handing him over to his new parents. I knew it was the last time I would hold him. The next months were very hard but I had family and friends that helped me through it. This experience in my life has made me really want to help others who may be going through the same thing. I would want girls to know of that option of adoption and be able to help them through it. Maybe some day....