Go Figure...

It's been about 3 weeks I think since I started back on my anti-depressant. I am feeling so much better. I think they are really helping. And go figure this- one of the reasons I was depressed was because of my weight. But naturally wasn't going to do anything about it- that would take too much energy. Since I've been on my "happy pills" I have lost 7 pounds! (Which is only noticeable on the scale...) And I still haven't exercised (except for volleyball twice a week) and I still eat chocolate cake and cookies. I should've started on those pills a long time ago....

Important Life Questions

Driving home from school yesterday with Logan and Claire in the car...

Claire: "Mom, when will we see Grandpa Dee again?"
Me: "When Jesus comes again, but nobody knows when that will be. We will all be resurrected though."
Claire: "Then we will live forever?"
Me: "Yep, that's right.
Logan: "I wonder if there will be Star Wars videos and games? I sure hope so."
Me: "Hmm.. I don't know about that."
Logan: "Does Santa Claus die?"
Me: "Umm...probably."
Logan: "Well, then who would be Santa?"
Me: "I guess he just finds someone else to do it."
Logan: "No, I think he just lives forever because he wouldn't be able to find another magic man."

So my conclusion from this is that Santa Claus must be one of the 3 Nephites. :-)

Modern Day Seamstress

Tera Brown- just go ahead and skip reading this post....

Meet my new sewing machine....

Did you know that the Iron paired up with this:

can do AMAZING things! Need a patch put on a scout uniform? Need pants shortened? Need drapes brought up a bit? Viola! You can do it without a needle and thread! If I can do it- anyone can do it. The possibilities are endless. It has become my new best friend. :-)

Up Close and Personal

Today I started taking my anti-depressant again. I have been off of them for 6 months. It was very emotional for me to swallow that stupid little pill again. It's a symbol that something is wrong with me. I am a failure. I can't keep my emotions in tact and don't have high enough self esteem to feel better without the help of medication. It's admitting that I can't pretend to be normal on my own anymore- it's getting too difficult to mask. I can't put on the fake smile and seem to be happy. It's admitting that it's hard for me to be around people right now and to function in my every day responsibilities. It's admitting that I don't have the energy to take care of myself without help. It's admitting that my depression has been hurting my marriage because I close myself off to my husband and to others around me. It means that I need help to try and pick myself up and get the energy and will to work on myself as well as my communication and relationship with my husband. Taking that pill makes me feel weak. I want to be strong and happy again.

There. Got it off my chest. Feel scared, but better. Relieved.

Next Day Note: Now that I've read this and been thinking about it I just want to clarify that I don't have severe depression like some do. I can get out of bed every day and do what I need to do. I go through "bouts" of minor depression I suppose and periods where I can't control my swing of emotions. Sometimes I get anxiety and I seem to be tired a lot. I start to feel bad about myself- thus making it so I don't want to be around others. I just didn't want anyone to think that I'm "severe."

Confessions

Okay- so I was sick over the weekend and I admit it: I AM A WIMP! I was a total baby. My sinus headaches were bringing tears to my eyes. My back and sides were aching from all of the coughing. I could go from shivering to sweating within seconds it seemed. My stomach was nauseous and queezy. I laid in bed or on the couch the entire time taking boatloads of medicines. I was completely miserable. As I was soaking in the tub for about the 5th time I was thinking to myself "How did I ever make it through childbirth?? And more than once??" I was acting like a big baby.

I have always told my kids that moms just don't get sick days. Well, this mom took about 3 sick days. My sweet Spence was so awesome to come home early from work so I could crawl into my bed. He took care of kids and let me stay in bed for as long as I wanted to. He didn't complain at all. And my kids were so sweet to come in and be concerned for me. They would give me a kiss or rub my back or just simply take my hand and say "I love you mom." Those were the bright moments.

I still have coughing spells and can't breathe half the time and the other half I'm blowing my nose. Where does all that snot come from? For the most part I am feeling better and just pray that I won't get sick again for a long long time. I'd much rather take care of sick kids.

Thanks for letting my whine and complain and be a wuss!

Tired of Technology

I am sitting here on the laptop and just getting a knot in my stomach. The tv is blasting in the front room. Claire listens to the tv sooo loud. I think she may need her hearing checked or something. Her and Nathan were just fighting on the couch. She seems to think that she needs the ENTIRE couch to herself. So Nathan goes downstairs....few minutes later I hear Logan screaming. Nathan and him are fighting over the Playstation. Naturally they can't play together. Star Wars is also blaring on the tv in the family room. THERE IS SO MUCH NOISE IN THIS HOUSE! I just feel like unplugging all the televisions, game systems, and computers and throwing them out the door. It seems like it has just gotten out of control. What has happened to simple family time that is quiet and productive? Does anyone else experience this? How do some of you monitor these things in your home? I find it so difficult, because if I put time limits on things- then I am responsible for providing the entertainment. Do I have energy for that? Have I gotten to be a lazy mom? I admit, sometimes it is nice to just let Spongebob babysit my kids.

It got me thinking to what I did as a child to entertain myself. I remember rollerskating in the street for hours (pretending to be an instructor with a bunch of "students" behind me), playing Barbies and paper dolls. My friends and I used to use record jackets to make our Barbie houses. We would open them up or stand them up next to each other to make different rooms in the house. We would always fight over the Michael Jackson Thriller one. LOL (This is really dating me...kids probably don't even know what records are now.) I also remember a home video where we made our own cooking show- on the menu was macaroni and cheese. We filmed ourselves making it. I don't remember sitting in front of the tv or video game for hours like my kids do. (OK, I admit playing Duck Hunt....) And Saturday was a special day- the only day when cartoons were on! Imagine that. I'd get up early to watch Smurfs and Pac Man. Now there's an entire cartoon channel.

I guess I just want to know if you put time limits on things for your kids and how you monitor it. Any advice out there? I'm sure things will calm down once it's nice outside and the kids aren't cooped up inside. Right???

Asian Cooking Class

My catering boss, Mark Petrey, decided to put on an Asian cooking class last night at Orson Gygi in their demo kitchen. (So jealous of that kitchen.) I decided to take Nathan with me because he loves to cook so I thought this would be fun for him. He was excited to learn some new stuff and was impressed by Mark and how good he was with a chef's knife. :-) There were about 50 people there.

Nathan volunteered to go help out. (The pictures are from cell phone and I was in the back row- so they're not too clear!)

We learned how to make Apricot Chicken filled pot stickers (so good!), lo mein, chinese chicken salad, Mark's secret teriyaki sauce and sweet and sour pork roast. Everything was delicious and it was a lot of fun. I think Nathan wants to go to a culinary school. I said his future wife would LOVE that!