"I Choose to Live"

(I hope I get most of the details correct.) Last Saturday, my 25 year old cousin- Ben, and two of his friends went camping in Pecos Canyon New Mexico. They were cutting down a tree for firewood. The tree got stuck on another one and as they were pushing it down a tree fell on two of them- Ben included. His friend, Alan, was killed. Ben had head trauma. His friend went and found help with another couple that were out camping. (This is a secluded area.) The wife went to find a pay phone to call for help while the husband and other friend went back to the scene. The husband kept talking to Ben to keep him awake, carried him to the fire to keep warm, put snow in a t-shirt to wrap around Ben's head. Two and a half hours later Ben arrived by life flight at the hospital in Santa Fe. My aunt and uncle in Wyoming were notified of the accident and took the first flight out. Meanwhile, Ben went into surgery which lasted all night. The couple that saved him stayed with him until my aunt and uncle arrived. Ben had a blood clot in his brain. He now has some metal plates in his head, which he will always have now. We all feel it was truly a blessing that the other couple were there and that it saved Ben's life.

Naturally, we were all concerned that there might be permanent damage, memory loss, etc. But, today Ben was released from the hospital! He is doing well. He comes from a great family and support system. There are 7 children in his family- he is second to youngest. Five are return missionaries. They have all gone to school and are great examples to everyone.

Ben older sister, Mykel is with him now. She wrote this email after she talked to him on the phone. I would like to share the email. It is great inspiration. It is kind of long, but definitely worth the read.

I’ve always been one to ignore my phone when it rings. I’m not sure why, but it just seems like I’m handing control over to someonethat wants to talk NOW, and I have to answer NOW, so I can do what they need me to do NOW. Maybe I’m just not a multi-tasker and it just stresses me out. Actually, that’s exactly what it is. I’m a daydreamer, and when I work, I focus on one thing until I’m done with it. So when I saw my phone ring a moment ago, I was prepared to react the same way I always do…until I saw Ben’s name.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hi Mykel, it’s your brother Ben.”

How could it be that those six words were common to me a week ago, and now carry more depth and meaning than I could ever find in poetry or prose? Now, 20 minutes after the phone call, I’m still thinking about some things that Ben said. I’ve just got to get them down on paper… not just for me, but for him. In one week, I saw Ben go from a 25-year-old to an adult that has seen death, who’s fought for life, and has yelled “I choose to live,” and is now burdened with the task of facing life one day at atime. One thing’s for sure, Ben’s never going back. He’s never going to be the same. My brother Ben isn’t Ben anymore. He’s so so much more.

First, my big-sister instinct kicked in – I needed to make sure he was okay. I asked him how he’s feeling and if he’s sleeping. He said he is feeling really good. His body, albeit sewn and stapled in place and sometimes throbbing, is in fine condition. He goes for walks, he feeds himself, he thinks on his own, He recognizes people. He’s an alive human being. When asked about the hospital food, though, he said he doesn’t have an appetite. I can imagine that Ben’s expectation at this point is to eat something and feel better. But no food is going to quiet his soul at this point. He eats fruits and salads because he knowst hey’re good for him, and breakfast cereal because it’s what people do in the morning. But when the hamburger and fries came, the new Ben pushed all to the side save the hamburger patty! Maybe someday his favorite foods will be enough, but for now it just isn’t.

He mentioned that he’s having a hard time sleeping. Ben has always been the type to enjoy sleep. One of my favorite past times with Benny is to chat on the phone for hours while we analyze our dreams and discuss what they really mean. It’s funny really. We think we’re soooo intellectual and soooo perceptive of our dreams. But in the end, my dreams always have something to do with finding childhood freedom and Ben’s dreams almost always have to do with love and finding his other half. Yes, we get the occasional dream where Ben’s fighting off trolls with a twinkie, and I have my periodic dream where I’m jumping on a trampoline naked, but my point is that Ben loves his sleep. It’s entertainment during the humdrum times of his life.

So to be without sleep opens up a whole new schedule where Ben stares at the ceiling and thinks about last weekend. I don’t know how many times Ben has retold his survival story, but you can’t tell me that thosen umbers come anywhere near the times he has relived his nightmare at night. Last night, Ben said he tried watching the television to “get his mind off things.” Alas, Ben said the shows on TV were creating more brain damage than any tree could have caused. He then described the hour he spent trying to appreciate ladies’ handbags in New York City on a style network. Relief came momentarily with a nature show, but he was frustrated by each scientist’s stretched conjecture. I think at this point Ben would have given anythingto have his DVD collection of Seinfeld episodes. They’re not intellectual but at least they would have reminded him of better times, times when a laugh and Ben were one in the same.

Here’s when Ben really touched me. I asked him if he’d like some books, games, or something to help him pass the time. He created an impromptu speech that really captures the essence of what a second chance really is.

He said he felt different… in his words, “new and fresh.” He described this new energy that felt more charitable, more kind, more …everything. He didn’t want to use his time on things that waste his brain. He wants me to bring him church books, history books, and anything that would expand that feeling he has right now in his chest.

If Ben could have seen me, he would have seen his big sister crying at her desk…realizing that Ben was now her big brother. Seriously, he has something I might not ever understand. He’s been reborn into a life where the air will smell fresher, words will mean more, the voice of his friends will find more value than even the cleanest guitar chord, and his brain and his consciousness will be the greatest gift he’s ever known. Ben is not going to waste another minute. Because he knows that every minute he has was granted by God. And I thank God for granting me with more time with Ben, too.

Ben went on to describe what it was like at the campscene. The first responders constantly asked his name – to keep him talking. He remembers wishing he could go to sleep. He was so tired-- so so tired. Ben told me he kept telling himself to stay alert. He remembers talking to his friend Allen – pleading to hold on because help was coming. In true Ben fashion, he also remembers cracking jokes and doing his best to not fail to entertain.

Most impactful to me was when Ben said he remembers saying in his mind that “I choose to live.” He admits that he’s sure he yelled it a few times, as well.

Live, he did, and Live he will.

Ben joked that there was a time when a search for “Ben France” on the internet would only bring up a Cricket player in Europe. Now, he’s proud to say that there’ll be a link that says “some 25-year-old dummy tried to chop a tree down.” I know he’s just joking, but I could hear it in his voice that he was committing to me and to himself to do something with his life -- to fulfill the mission that God has called him back to life to serve.

To my brother, Ben. I love you, and I’m glad you can hear me say it.

Mykel France

We are so proud of you Ben for being a survivor. You continue to be in our prayers!